Spits and Wiggles

“I didn’t expect today to hit me from so many directions, but the adoption process has left no part of life untouched.”

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I expected next Mother’s Day to be revolutionary. I expected that next Mother’s Day I would look at my two boys with wonder and awe and gratitude that I can’t even imagine today. I expected that next Mother’s Day would be the one that was totally different.

But as I sat yesterday morning and thought about the moms in my life, I realized that there are, suddenly, two more.

+1 Mom

I still can’t tell you my Chinese son’s story, ’cause he’s not officially mine yet, but then there’s not much that I actually know about these women.

The first, of course, is his birth mother. We don’t know her, and we probably never will. We don’t know her situation or very much about the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy.

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But I do know that she carried my son safely for nine months, and I know by experience that is no small task. I know that she chose to protect him, rather than take the free abortion service the Chinese government would have provided. I can’t tell you how yet, but I know that as she held him in her arms, she loved him. And and I know that she made probably the hardest decision of her life to do what she thought was best for him.  Read more…

When we decided that God was calling us to find our son in China, I was a little surprised at the enthusiasm from advocates and consultants. Of course they’re happy to work with anyone who wants to adopt at all, but we quickly learned we were in a kind of minority as a family who wants to adopt a boy from China.

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And two facts got stuck on repeat:

• Most (about 75%) of the orphans in China are boys.
• Most of the international adoption community wants to adopt girls from China.

It is such a reality that we soon discovered that even though we’re working from a very short list of medical conditions we feel we can take on (because we both work and we don’t have stellar health insurance), our expected wait time to be matched with a child might still be shorter than we expected just because we want a boy.

And no one really knows why.

China’s Orphans

In recent years, China has reported that they have about 600,000 orphans, but other sources estimate the number is closer to one million.  Read more…

Pretty sure we’ve been talking about this almost since the moment we started this whole crazy adventure, but it is finally upon us!

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I feel like I say this all the time, but I promise it’s not lip service: We are blown away by the support that has been rolling in for this!

The Skinny

But first, the details:

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“Family” Art Show
Saturday, May 19  |  6:00 – 10:00 pm 1875 N Milwaukee Ave, Chicago

bit.ly/familyartshow
#familyartshowchicago

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There’s also a normal web page for the not-on-Facebook people. It’s not the most savvy thing on the internet, but as it’s only going to be up for a few weeks, I’m not super concerned about it. (I have grants to apply for, ain’t nobody got time for learning web dev right now.)

The Artists

This is where being blown away by the support comes in. Husband reached out to a bunch of his artist community on (mostly) Instagram, ’cause we figured that if you ask a lot of people and half say, “Sure” then you’ve got a good art show.

Because we understand first-hand trying to make it as an artist, but also holding down another job to pay the bills. And having a family, which is the situation for a lot of these people. People are super busy, for one, and time is hard to come by. We get that. We also have nothing but respect for artists who just don’t give away their art. It’s their livelihood, or they’re trying to make it their livelihood, and we understand the struggle.

But, you guys, pretty much everyone said, “Yes!” Check out this roster! (And follow them on IG!) Read more…

I feel like I owe you an update, but there’s isn’t much to update — not that I’m allowed to share anyway, because I am dying to show you his adorable face and tell you how perfectly he fits into our family and how so many of our prayers have already been answered in him! (If you see me in person and I don’t force it on you, totally ask I will gladly pull it up on my phone!)

On Waiting

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We’re currently waiting for our Letter of Acceptance from China. We’re not totally idle – there are still grants to chase down and there’s some new paperwork to prepare – but after the last two weeks it feels completely stagnant by comparison.

This waiting period is a little more welcome, though, because we really need some time for fundraising and *fingers crossed* to be chosen for some grants.

The process typically goes something like (A) prepare paperwork, (B) send paperwork, (C) wait months and months, (D) get matched with a child, (E) send more paperwork, (F) wait a few weeks, (G) travel. We did it more like (A) prepare paperwork, (D) get matched with a child, (B) send paperwork … Totally skipped C.

Which was an answer to prayer, but we’re also feeling like it’s time to stop praying for, “as fast as possible,” ’cause … dang.

On Paperwork

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There’s more. There’s always more. I have accepted that my life is about paperwork for the foreseeable future.

We got initial approval from Immigration to pursue the adoption, but now we need to actually apply for permission to bring this one specific boy into the country. Once we get that approval, we (and our agency) start making travel plans.

On Timing

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The long game puts us in China in six months. SIX MONTHS! Read more…

So last week, I (literally) ran through downtown Chicago in order to get paperwork certified, copied, an authenticated … with 90 seconds to spare. It was very exciting.

And by “exciting,” I mean, “nerve-wracking and stressful.”
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Update: This has since become the conclusion to a crazy, wild ride. God did the impossible in five business days and we will never forget it. The three parts of this story are here:

• Prelude: We Might Be Closer Than We Thought
• Part 1: The Paperwork Marathon Just Became a Sprint
• Part 2: The Paperwork Sprint Just Became a Tightrope (What I Didn’t Tell You Last Week)

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I told you there was a deadline coming up. And that was true.

I also told you it was vague, and implied that the details would bore you, which was … less true. It was vague in the sense that its ultimate outcome and the relevance of it were in question. But that’s a stretch. And you definitely would not have been bored by the details.

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Because the details have a very sweet Chinese face and name (that I am not allowed to share yet).

The Truth About the Deadline

Last week, I gave some brief background about this deadline that sent me dashing through the city. What I didn’t tell you was that this “nebulous deadline” was actually one particular boy whose photo, in an email, stood out to us.

We didn’t think much of it, and wrote it off as, “Well he’s a cute kid,” because when we got that email there was zero possibility of us being matched with this kid. Our agency sends this kind of email every month, highlighting children that did not get matched to families that month, so people who have their paperwork logged in (not us) can ask to see their files and so the rest of us can pray for them.

Still, I asked what happens to him (and two other boys in the same email) if they don’t get matched (because I’m a glutton for punishment or something … I don’t really know why). That kicked off the conversation about calling Immigration the morning that Immigration was in our mailbox instead.

That conversation was, initially, about another boy from the same email. His file and current condition more closely matched our application, and our Coordinator told me that if we want to pursue that boy, she would see about this aggressive time frame. He matched our file, while the first one that I asked about—the one that initially caught our attention—has a minor condition that’s not listed in our file. That would take an extra step of paperwork to overcome, and we’re looking at a nearly impossible timeframe already.

That was Friday.

By the time I emailed her, she was gone for the weekend. I said I would work on the aggressive timeline over the weekend and Monday morning, and we would pray about the other boy, but … I still asked what it would take to see the first boy’s file. I knew we didn’t have time, and that it would be a miracle if we even got things processed in time for this other boy who already matches our file, but I dropped that first boy’s name in the email one more time. Just in case.

When she got back to me Monday, she included our social worker in the conversation, who asked some questions and gave her official blessing on us pursing that first boy just in time to change the name on our inquiry.

I told you that all of the rush last week was to get our paperwork turned in one day before this deadline, but I didn’t tell you that deadline was the day that the file for this one particular boy would be removed from our agency’s database (where only they can see and access it) into the shared system (where every adoption agency placing children from China can see it) — essentially, the day that we lose him.

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Our deadline was Monday. Tuesday we would lose him.  Read more…