An Unexpected Mother’s Day Gift: 2 More Moms

“I didn’t expect today to hit me from so many directions, but the adoption process has left no part of life untouched.”

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I expected next Mother’s Day to be revolutionary. I expected that next Mother’s Day I would look at my two boys with wonder and awe and gratitude that I can’t even imagine today. I expected that next Mother’s Day would be the one that was totally different.

But as I sat yesterday morning and thought about the moms in my life, I realized that there are, suddenly, two more.

+1 Mom

I still can’t tell you my Chinese son’s story, ’cause he’s not officially mine yet, but then there’s not much that I actually know about these women.

The first, of course, is his birth mother. We don’t know her, and we probably never will. We don’t know her situation or very much about the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy.

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But I do know that she carried my son safely for nine months, and I know by experience that is no small task. I know that she chose to protect him, rather than take the free abortion service the Chinese government would have provided. I can’t tell you how yet, but I know that as she held him in her arms, she loved him. And and I know that she made probably the hardest decision of her life to do what she thought was best for him. 

We will probably never know her, but I owe her more than almost anyone else in the world. I’ll never get to thank her, but she’s done more for my family than she’ll ever know.

+1 More Mom

I’m probably encroaching into the territory of what I’m not supposed to tell you, but I’m just going to say this: He’s in foster care and has been for a little time.

And even if that was all we knew, it’s enough.

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It’s enough to know that there’s a foster mom out there who has fed my son at her table. She has sent him to preschool and welcomed him home day after day. She has picked him up after countless falls, cheered him on through those early milestones, and tucked him into bed—with her own children if she has some, or as a temporary bandaid over the ache of a longing mama heart.

I can’t tell you, yet, what we know about his physical and developmental condition, but if we didn’t know any of it, it would be enough to know that he was better cared for than he would have been in an orphanage.

It would be enough to know that precious early weeks, months, or years of physical and emotional development were not completely lost, just because she was there. My son got a better start in life than he otherwise would have because that mother was willing to open her home and her family and her heart to a little boy she didn’t know, and who had no claim on her kindness.

We may or may not get to meet her, but we owe her a debt we could never repay.

Xièxiè, Māmā

I wish there was a way to say happy Mother’s Day to these two amazing women, and to thank them for everything.

Because I’m sure next Mother’s Day will be revolutionary and overwhelming and different from anything I’ve ever experienced, but—even though I’m still waiting to hold my new boy—these two mothers have already changed our lives.