Spits and Wiggles

I just want another big-headed, wobbly little to love and kiss on, but I can already see that I’m getting so much more than that. (And I don’t mean the involuntary muscle spasms, although I’m getting those too.) By the time this process is over I’m going to be a picture of peace and faith. There’s no way I’ll survive it otherwise.

The Adoption Agency Choice

We spent a couple evenings reviewing my spreadsheet (pbffft – one of them. I have spreadsheets Husband doesn’t even know about yet.) and looking over websites and praying. Lots of praying. And we both felt like we were being pointed to America World Adoption (despite us both thinking that’s a terrible name for an international adoption agency).

I have to mention All God’s Children too, though, as an incredibly tight runner up.

I think we would have had a great experience with either agency, really, but it just came down to that gentle nudge we both felt in prayer. But really – if you’re thinking about international adoption, check out AGC (and ask for Kate). Even if you’re not thinking about adoption, but want to do something else to help orphans, in Jesus’ name, check out AGC. They 100% advocate for orphans all over the world through more than just adoption.

And the same is true of America World. We’re really happy to work with them, and Madelyn has been such a huge help over the past several weeks. It was a tough call, so we unloaded it on God and tried to just be obedient.

The Agency Application (This Was Supposed to Be the Easy Part)

I gathered my info and my references and we filled out the online application. The automatic email reply told us to expect a response in two to four business days.

I expected it to be close to two, because I’m an idiot, and because I’ve been talking to Madelyn for weeks. Via email and on the phone. She’s super sweet and helpful, and we’ve already been through the whole net worth thing, so the application process seemed like a bit of a formality.

Even our third-party consultant just said, “Let me know when you get your official acceptance email!”

Done deal, right?  Read more…

There are so many words in my heart about this process, and I don’t know how to arrange them.

Which, in itself, is a fairly unfamiliar and extremely disorienting sensation.

I’ve stared into a glowing screen on several occasions this week to try to process, but every time I end up walking away the same – or worse – as I came. This whirlwind will not settle for a second so I can stamp it out in letters and spaces.

But before I try again, an update.

Step 1: Choose a Country and an Agency

It’s almost embarrassing to think we’re still, technically, on Step 1, but here we are. We’re two weeks deep and it’s already more complicated than I’d hoped or imagined.

Apparently, the normal process is to choose a country from which to adopt, and then find an agency that has a good program in that country. It seems a lot of people come to this process with a heart for a particular nation, but we have not. We couldn’t care less where he’s from or what he looks like.

So we’re doing “country” and “agency” kind of together. Our consultant recommended China, because we have a few requests/requirements (toddler, we have to be able to specify gender since he’ll be sharing a room with Man Cub), and because we’d like as fast a process as possible. I realize that sounds ridiculous, but emphasis on “as possible.” Because we just started, but my heart has already been waiting and hoping for almost three years.

China Looked Perfect, Until …

Everyone who looked at our short list of needs said, “China.”
.

.

• The adoption process is well established and has not changed for a long time. Agencies know how to get it done, and China has the operation running smoothly.
• China allows adoptive parents to specify a gender. Many countries do not.
• About 75% of children who need adopting from China are boys.

All good in the hood … and then we got to a question in one of the pre-applications about net worth. Most countries specify a required income level (generally $10k per person in the house, including the to-be-adopted child), and the need for a positive net worth. China sets a much higher bar for the net worth requirement.

Cue spreadsheet.

Because, on the surface, assets minus liabilities is pretty straight-forward, but of course it’s not. The last week has been dedicated to net worth worksheets and hounding our poor insurance agent and emailing three different consultants and agency representatives (and my mommy) for second and third opinions.

And, under the surface, the questions and the accusations.

You should have given less and saved more all these years. Your savings account it pitiful and look where it’s gotten you.

You are literally not worth a China adoption that – in every other way – is perfect for your family.

All-in-all, pretty weak, honestly, but no less persistent.

Three spreadsheets, two phone calls, and countless emails later, we did it. We are worthy (enough).

Next Steps: Choose an Agency, Plan an Art Show

I have another spreadsheet for this task too. I’m not kidding.

I’ve been talking to five agencies, and most have been super helpful and sweet and empathetic. I like all of them, but tonight we have family time set aside to look over info together and pray, and make a choice.

1. Then we officially apply to the agency.
2. Once we’re accepted by an agency, we can start applying for grants.
3. And we start preparing for a home study.

We’ll also start planning a Therst + Kid Therst art show fundraiser. Stay tuned for the art event of the year. 😉

“How Can I Help?”

Pray. Requests:

• China really is the right program.
• We choose the right agency.
• Our application is accepted.
• We get supernatural wisdom, energy, and inspiration to pull off a great fundraiser.

And we’re probably not going to do the crowdfunding thing, but we do have a PayPal account set up for donations – because several people asked. You can send gifts, if you want, to NiewskiNewbie [at] gmail [dot] com.

Might be reopening this space because …

.

.

First, I have to say, it’s been less than a week – and we are pretty much no where in the process – and I am overwhelmed at the support and love already.

And while I 100% don’t mind talking about it and answering all the questions (really – I honestly love talking about it ’cause it makes it feel more real), it seems most people have similar sets of questions. And I’ve caught a few people lingering around the peripheral of a conversation to catch answers to questions they didn’t know if they could ask. 🙂 So here’s the skinny …

Q: Wow! Really?

A: Yes really. The paperwork and payment is sent to our friends at Christian Adoption Consultants. It is on like Donkey Kong.

Q: When did you decide to do this?

A: We finally decided a day or two before we sent in paperwork, but that form has been sitting in a pile of paperwork — all filled out — for months. I’ve been emailing with a very gracious woman at CAC since November. We’ve talked about adopting as long as we’ve been married.

Q: How old are you going to adopt?

A: Toddler. We can’t really be more specific than that. Man Cub will be 5 this December, and closer to 6 by the time this process is over, so we kind of want to bridge the age gap if we can.

Q: Boy or girl?

A: We won’t be sure until it’s time to do a home study. The plan was to circle “no preference” on the form and see what happens, but we hit a snag when all parties discovered that the newbie will be sharing a bedroom with the Man Cub. I’m told that, depending on the home study agency, we may have to specifically request a boy, which would probably have been my preference anyway, because of the room-sharing.

UPDATE: Boy. He’ll be sharing a room with Man Cub, who is also a boy and will be 5+ by the time the new guy comes home, so the State of Illinois has said: boy.

Q: Why international?

A: We tried to adopt out of foster care, but our circumstances won’t allow it. Kids younger than 6 or 7 are usually not “legally free” for adoption out of foster care, and I don’t really want to supplant Man Cub’s “big brother” status. We hoped foster a toddler with the intention of adopting if the biological family can’t be reconciled, but then I mentioned bunkbeds and that whole line of inquiry came to a screeching halt.

The foster care agencies don’t really want to license us for foster care with such a small house, ’cause we’re not really much good to the (extra paperwork, impossible in rushed circumstances, etc.) The agencies that help with adoption from the foster care system only have access to kids who are legally free, which means they’re much older.

Besides the foster care system, domestic adoption means infants, and that’s not ideal for us right now.

Q: Is it expensive?

A: It’s ridiculously expensive.

Q: How long will it take?

A: My consultant tells me that if I hustle as much as her, we could bring home a toddler in 12 months.

UPDATE: 12 to 18 months … or 18 to 24 months. We don’t have the resources (time or money) to properly care for a child with major medical, or long-term, needs.

Families who can adopt children with conditions that require more full-time care or major surgeries, have shorter wait times when it comes to matching a child. We can’t do that right now, so our wait will likely be longer.

Q: What country are you adopting from?

A: We’re not sure yet. Our primary concerns are age, quickness, and gender — if the home study agency tells us gender is a concern. Our consultant explained that there are a few countries that (A) have children already available and legally free for adoption, and (B) have not changed their international adoption policies for years.

She explained that they (the consultants) know the ins and outs of those systems very well, because they’ve been working with them for years. They’re looking at all of our info, and they’ll identify a short list of countries we could adopt from, with “quick” turnaround times. China is on the list, but that’s all we know for now.

UPDATE: China. For all the reasons above.

Q: Are you going to raise money/do fundraisers/set up a GoFundMe?

A: Yes to the raising money. I may start selling off anything that’s not nailed down soon. I’m hatching plans to put Husband’s artistic talents to work (overtime) for a couple of art shows. (Thinking about a Therst/Kid Therst joint show too.)

We’re not setting up any kind of crowd-sourcing thing. At least not for now. I have mixed feelings about it. Actually, I don’t have mixed feelings about it. I actually feel totally fine about it, but I’ve read a few things by adopted kids who are now all grown up and they had weird feelings about it. We’re praying through that one.

It turns out there are also lots of grants available, so I’ll be applying to all of them.

Q: Can I do anything to help?

A: Pray. Pray for favor with all the agencies and smooth sailing with all the paperwork. Pray that our son, wherever he is, is in good hands, that he stays healthy, that God is with him.

There will probably be room for hands-on help when we come to fundraisers, if you’re in the area.

If you really want to help us cover expenses, you can send money via PayPal to NiewskiNewbie@gmail.com.

Q: How’s Man Cub?

A: Super excited and already appalled at the amount of paperwork involved.