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On Pregnancy During Adoption

17 October 2017

I am not pregnant.

For the first time in almost 10 years I can honestly say that I don’t want to be pregnant.

I know that everyone who makes comments or prays prayers or shares dreams, etc., about pregnancy loves us and 100% means well. I know.

But the idea of getting pregnant, in this season, is nothing but stressful for me.

Yes, everyone knows one of those stories. So-and-so tried and tried to get pregnant, gave up, started the adoption process, bam – pregnant. I’ve heard those stories too. Everyone knows someone who had some friend …

But where those stories ended with happy, kind-of-twins situations, they were involved in domestic adoptions. And that cannot be our story. 

International Adoption Rules for Preggos

Every country that adopts out internationally has their own variation on a rule about the age(s) of children already in the home of the adopting family. Some say the youngest must be one year, three years, six months … but there’s always a bottom limit. A pregnant woman cannot simultaneously pursue an international adoption.

I’ve always said that if the impossible happens, I wouldn’t want to bail on an adoption. But it turns out it’s not up to me.

We have already signed several legally binding agreements promising to immediately inform various authorities of “major life changes,” and the first example given on every single form is “pregnancy.”

Because then the whole process stops.

And the financial investment we have already made is mostly lost.

Most agencies will hold a contract for a certain, small period of time. Some will extend that period for a small fee. Paperwork and home studies can be extended, delayed, updated, etc. for more small fees — all in an attempt to freeze the process and maintain a kind of credit for the large initial deposits already paid. But it’s complicated and difficult, and there are more small fees involved.

Not to mention, the last thing I need right now is to feel that we’ve completely missed God’s leading and will in this whole process.

So no. I am not praying or hoping to get pregnant right now.

Nothing But Love

Of course, we know God has a plan and it’s good. And, of course, any child from a pregnancy would be welcome and loved.

And, as I said, I know people mean well, and I am genuinely never upset at anyone who just wants to be encouraging and supportive.

But if you are reading this, consider yourself one of the lucky informed (or “woke” if it makes you feel cooler). I don’t actually want to joke about finally getting pregnant now, because it really wouldn’t be a relief or an answer to prayer or a funny situation.

Pray and hope with us, instead, for our new son – wherever he is today. Pray for his caretakers and his health. Pray that we find him quickly and that we can bring him home efficiently.

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