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Hold My Hand

18 March 2014

We went for a walk before dinner yesterday.

This kid loves to be outside. It doesn’t seem to matter what the weather. Cold? Raining? Fell in a mud puddle? Who cares. It’s never time to go inside.

Hold My Boots 2

I love the way he explores. He’s very thorough. He’ll traverse the same line of frozen snow a dozen times – back and forth, back and forth – and then suddenly move on. He’ll climb the same step and scurry down the same slope again and again, and then turn on a dime to head in another direction.

And when he needs help, he just reaches up and waits for someone to take his hand.

He doesn’t even look up most of the time. He watches what he’s doing, watches his feet usually, and just waits – hand stretched wide above his head.

When we left the back door he reached up for help going down the two big steps. At the end of the short sidewalk he reached up again for help going down the big step to the driveway. Curbs, snow piles, uneven terrain of mud and wet leaves mashed together – his tiny red mitten would appear above his head.

And then, as we walked down a quiet side street, the mitten popped up again. 

I glanced around briefly and didn’t see any obstacle, but slipped my hand out of my pocket and pressed two fingers into his tiny, warm palm. He didn’t look up. Didn’t break stride. Didn’t stumble. He just kept walking.

Holding my hand

Hold My Hand

And somehow the approaching dusk suddenly didn’t feel so cold, and the hours that I wasn’t registering on my time clock didn’t feel so urgent.

We just walked together for a minute – away from the past that was setting behind us, but in no impossible rush to chase the shadows racing out in front of us. His arm stretched high to clasp my fingers. My hand wrapped around his mitten.

And I prayed that I will always be there to hold his hand. When something he’s facing is too new or too hard for him to do on his own, and he just needs a little assurance, a little extra strength.

But also when he just wants to walk – when there isn’t anything to say, and no where urgent to be. When the time clock or the dishes or my pillow are waiting, and he opens his hand for my attention and affection, I prayed I will always choose him over myself.

I want to always be there when his hand stretches up to find mine, and I want him to always know he can reach for me whenever he wants to.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. 18 March 2014 9:54 AM

    I have 4 kids….but my ‘gentle giant’ is 17 6 ft 5″ ish and his hand envelopes mine not….I still think back to the days when he would hold my last 3 fingers while we walked and how safe he felt. Yet he informed me the other day he still feels safe holding my hand (melt)

  2. 18 March 2014 9:56 AM

    there’s supposed to be a comma between 17 and 6′ 🙂

    • Lex permalink*
      18 March 2014 10:08 AM

      Sweeeeet. I worry that it will fade, and I’m sure it does a little, but it’s nice to know it never completely goes away. 🙂

  3. 18 March 2014 11:53 AM

    Stop making me cry Lex! My heart literally breaks thinking about the day that Tyson won’t twirl my hair in his little fingers – which is definitely his way of feeling safe and comforted. He gets really mad when I wear it in a pony tail because he can’t grab it, which is totally sweet and I always pull the elastic out for him. I guess this discussion is just another reminder to enjoy.every.minute. Although I do think that even if the physical comfort measures are no longer there, our kids will always feel safe when we are around.

    • Lex permalink*
      18 March 2014 2:15 PM

      “enjoy.every.minute”

      Word. I know I still feel safe when my mom is around and I’m 30, but I’m also a woman. I hope it’s the same with boys … 🙂

  4. bianca permalink
    19 March 2014 11:27 AM

    And at that awkward stage when he is almost 10 years old riding in the passenger seat next to you, you can just reach over and hold his hand while you’re driving. I do it with Bella all the time now. I miss holding someone’s had, but I also just love holding hers a little longer. And she usually just lets me 🙂 🙂

    (unless she’s telling me a story, then her hands are flying everywhere LOL!) ❤

    • Lex permalink*
      19 March 2014 12:49 PM

      Sweet girl. She gets that from her mama. 😉

      I wonder sometimes if my little man will be a sweet boy, or if he’ll just be too busy all the time. He has moments of both right now. Maybe he always will. IDK.

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