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Oh, Go Induce Yourself

5 December 2012

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I know that, technically, he has a couple more days at least. According to the first estimated due date, he has another week. And these are all estimates anyway, and we call them “estimated” for a reason.

But seriously? He’s done. The little egg timer went off weeks ago. What could possibly happen in the next few days? He packs on a couple more ounces. Big deal. I have some really warm clothes for him. He’ll be fine.

I’m getting antsy.

And I shouldn’t be. Because the mobile isn’t hung, the house is a mess, I really need a couple more days at the office, the car seat is in the bedroom …

Nesting, by the way, is a lie. That impulse, that burst of energy, that drives a woman beyond her natural motivation to clean and arrange and organize and prepare … it’s a lie. Concocted, I’m convinced, by energetic and potentially OCD women who want to normalize their mania. I’ve been waiting for it to hit for over a month, and it has forsaken me. Things are still messy and undone, and I am still tired.

Preggos, don’t believe the lie. Make a plan. Work the plan. The magic will not come. You have not been chosen. There is no red pill. 

Most of my life is completely unprepared, but still – I’m getting antsy.

I also know that almost all of the little DIY methods to start labor are old wives tales, and that people who know about studies and biology will point out that there is no reason to expect any of them to work.

But I deliberately got spicy sausage for my pasta last night (and this afternoon – hooray for left-overs). It, of course, has done nothing so far but give me indigestion. (At least I think it was indigestion. I’ve never had indigestion, but I felt like the funny faces that people make on commercials for drugs that are supposed to prevent indigestion. And when I explained my symptoms to Husband, he agreed with my diagnosis. Another first. Hip hip …)

And I deliberately bounced like an eager toddler on our silly exercise ball (or “evil orb,” as Husband likes to call it) while we watched a movie tonight. That, of course, has done nothing so far but make my butt a little sore. I think I put too much air in it.

Still, I love fielding suggestions from people about walking and primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea, etc. (Except when people start fielding suggestions about, ahem, wink wink, you know — long awkward stare — Yes, I do know. Ahem Wink Wink is how we got here in the first place, but you can save your Ahem Wink Wink ’cause that is so not happening. I don’t know how anyone tries Ahem Wink Wink after 39 weeks, but they’re better wives than I.)

I love most suggestions, because while it’s all so useless, it is, at least, entertaining. And it makes me feel like I’m doing something – the way that driving half-way around town to avoid traffic makes you feel like you’re doing something even though it would have been faster to just sit in a little traffic.

But I always choose to drive half-way around town, and so I’ll probably sprinkle hot sauce on my cereal in the morning and eat it perched atop my exercise ball.

What’s the craziest labor-inducing rumor you’ve heard? Mommies, what did you try? Share!

12 Comments leave one →
  1. jmiszczak permalink
    5 December 2012 4:27 PM

    We went out for Mexican about 6 hrs before Bella was born, and I said why not, and had about 4 oz. Of hot salsa. A few hours later, it felt like bad indigestion, (active labor can start upset stomach), but I thought nothing of it. Kris knew something was up, he whoosed me to the hospital (despite my denial), and lo and behold Bella was born shortly after arriving. 🙂

    • Lex permalink
      5 December 2012 6:50 PM

      Love it! Maybe I can convince someone to take me out for Indian food to start labor. 🙂

      (Way to go Kris, BTW!)

  2. 5 December 2012 10:09 PM

    I had c-sections with my first two, and my doctor was hesitant to let me try a VBAC, but he gave me a “deadline” (we’ll check how big baby is on this date and then probably do the surgery). So a week before that, I started trying EVERYTHING. Pineapple. Spicy food. Lots of exercise. Even ahem wink, wink. All to no avail. In a final act of desperation, the night before my “deadline,” I bought some castor oil. I didn’t even take as much as everything I read recommended (coz even though I was desperate, that stuff is NASTY!), but it did the trick. At first, I thought the castor oil had just made my stomach upset, but after several evenly spaced visits to the bathroom, I started thinking maybe something else was going on…and it was!

    …and for the record, he wasn’t my biggest baby, and the VBAC was a total success, despite my doctor’s lack of confidence! 😉

    • Lex permalink
      5 December 2012 11:15 PM

      Ugh, I’ve heard the castor oil one, but it sounds so nasty! Maybe if I end up more than a week overdue and I’m desperate to avoid being induced … 🙂

      Congrats on the VBAC, too, that’s awesome!

  3. natalie permalink
    5 December 2012 10:11 PM

    Someone told me to eat pineapple, and she also said she got REALLY hungry beforehand… the night before I went into labor I ate 2 cans of pineapple, an entire box of mac n cheese and 6 fish planks (like fish sticks but bigger) …. I was soooo full when I went to sleep and at 2 am woke up with weird pain! =)

    Best of luck to you friend! He will come when he’s good and ready!

    • Lex permalink
      5 December 2012 11:16 PM

      Two for pineapple. I’m gonna have to get some tomorrow. 🙂 Aaand now I’m gonna get my hopes up every time I get hungry!

  4. Jenn permalink
    6 December 2012 8:23 AM

    You crack me up – though in two months I’ll probably be reading this a little more sympathetically and might even shed a tear or two in understanding. 🙂

    • Lex permalink
      6 December 2012 1:08 PM

      Haha. Seriously. Bookmark this one and come back to it when you hit 39 weeks, then text me and lemme know how you’re doin’. 😉

  5. 9 December 2012 2:55 PM

    Do the castor oil.

    • Lex permalink
      10 December 2012 7:05 AM

      I’m almost ready to risk the diarrhea …

  6. 9 December 2012 8:48 PM

    Have you heard about having your membranes swept? My OB did this with my 2nd child, which I believe is more effective than with your first, but it got my labor going within a couple hours and I had my baby the same day. 🙂

    • Lex permalink
      10 December 2012 7:04 AM

      I have, but my doctor hasn’t mentioned it yet. I kinda thought they would bring it up. If I have to keep this appointment Friday morning, I may mention it – if the doctor doesn’t. I REALLY hope I don’t make it to Friday, though. Ugh. 😉

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